just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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