Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i've created a new STD.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
