on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
