Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i need some magic done to my vagina
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
