one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
