I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
