Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
