Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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