Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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