I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
