So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
