Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
