His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize