I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
