I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
