question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
