At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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