life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
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