mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
