Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
