I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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