She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
