is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
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