this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
40s are totally the cure
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
