He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
