Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
