There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
