Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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