Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
