honey bunches of taint.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
