I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
