We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
