Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I need help removing her.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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