I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
