k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
