My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
