Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
