dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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