Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize