Your tits are I can't wait for
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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