Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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