Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
