please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
