She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
