Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
