like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
