don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
