this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
