sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
