like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
