Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
