So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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