I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
