i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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