I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
