I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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