I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize
