In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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