dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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