I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
