I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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