All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
