you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
