margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
