Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize