Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
