you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
