That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
