From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
