the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
