Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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