She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize