:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
