when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
