so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
