Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
