turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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