If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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