i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize