there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
