My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
