A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
