I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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