Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
